Similarly, few people are willing to talk about pride. The problem with pointing out pride, noticing those those specks of self-promotion in others, is that darn 2x4 that gets in the way.
Those in the arts -- writers, painters, sculptors, dancers, designers, poets, singers -- are really in the business of pride. We want the applause, gravitating toward those who appreciate our talent and turning our backs on those who don't give us kudos. It's just human nature.
There is nothing more gratifying than someone telling me that they have been touched, or blessed, or inspired by my written or spoken word. It keeps me going. It's the go-juice that I drink that gives me the gumption to do it again. But it's a world that is so fraught with danger, that we must guard continually against.
For as long as I've been doing this, you would think that I'd have a big audience, books to my name, and praises from around the globe. However I don't, because this blog makes me look fat. And I'm completely comfortable with where I'm at in life. I'd rather be honest than popular.
I always struggle with transparency, trying to root out the superficial that clogs my brain and trips me up. I could twist words to play on emotions, to evoke a response. I could say things that elevate my insight, my maturity and my obedience. I could pull the chair over and stand it so I'd be a little taller. And maybe people would be fooled -- for a while.
My ear strains to catch someone talking about me. My heart puffs when good things are said. My hidden soul is propped by the good words of strangers. But having fallen more than once, I know the pitfalls of a prideful life.
And even writing about it plays on that ugly part of me. I've heard a voice saying exactly this, "Maybe they'll think I'm humble because I'm talking about pride." Sheesh. What a mess!
So I ask God to help with humility, knowing it's not always pretty. And sometimes, the only way to get it, is to be humiliated.
"I'd rather be honest than popular."
ReplyDeleteOh,me too--I like to think. You've struck home here, David. Thanks for your dogged honesty.
This is the reason why I've struggled with having a "follow" button or even a comment section. I would get super excited if I saw a new person or a new post. Finally got that mentality out of my head and post for myself (which is probably why I post so rarely) and maybe to get feedback so that I can understand things better. Still feel like a child when it comes to my knowledge of Christ (at 37 years old)!
ReplyDeleteThe conundrum: When I write honestly, people like me better. Which fills my pride. Which I write about. Which I get compliments on for being real. Round and round and round.
ReplyDeleteNot trying to add to pride's threat, but...
ReplyDeleteWell said David. I also strive to be transparent, though it often causes me more gtrief than I was expecting. I would rather be real, for Him...
Not trying to add to pride's threat, but...
ReplyDeleteWell said David. I also strive to be transparent, though it often causes me more gtrief than I was expecting. I would rather be real, for Him...
This reminds me of the saying, "Never believe your own press." I think someone famous must have said it! I always appreciate your writing.
ReplyDeleteNot fat. Big boned. :)
ReplyDeletefood for thought
ReplyDelete..it's safe to say that we're talking about the Ego here..I've discovered that my Ego is very cunning and clever at avoiding detection..often times the Ego will cloak itself in "good" christian-like deeds, but back behind the action lurks the elusive Ulterior Motive..sadly,most of us will never garner the Courage or Honesty needed to confront the ugly truth about ourselves and why we really do some of the things we do..myself,I love the self-righteous Glory...
ReplyDeleteAnd the irony is that sometimes NOT sharing can be as prideful as sharing. Romans 7 lived out, eh?!
ReplyDeleteOkay, you're scaring me a little. Feels like you're living inside my head! But I'm with Cheryl on this one - big-boned, never fat, David. I am always glad when I stop by here.
ReplyDeleteBravo! Your honesty inspires and promotes Him. I applaud you. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post, David! It hits close to home!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with the same issues you've described. Yes, my goal is to be a blessing, and yes knowing my words have blessed someone else is what keeps me going, continuing to invest myself in writing.
And yet...too easily the kudos become a source of affirmation that shouldn't be necessary...or I happen to notice that most of the blog comments are by other writers who are also hoping for return visits and building blog traffic...
And I realize how fragile it all is...
Thankfully, God can use even this mess for His glory!
Thanks for keeping it real!
A music ministry for umpteen years left me feeling the same way. It's a pretty fine line, constantly checking motivations. I didn't expect to find the same thing here in the blogging world, but it is.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes, we can actually become those stumbling blocks to other by using the wrong kind of encouragement that builds a pedestal or for selfish motives, just as much as giving a drink to an alcoholic would be.
Maybe I should start to really criticize your blog, David... but only if you promise to criticize mine. =) In Christian love, of course. It's the conundrum of which Megan speaks.
David, the thing is that everyone (especially us bloggers - I mean EVERY blogger) shares that same feeling you talk about here. Why else do we blog? It's public, for goodness sake! We WANT people to notice, to fawn all over us and make us feel important and acknowledged! It's all too weird. But I guess there is some nobility to the sharing, the community, the honest transparency (in moderation, though) and reciprocal recognition with other writer/bloggers who are going through the same thing... Honestly, though, it can get to your head. I am always thinking about quitting, and then that little voice says - "No! Keep going!" Well, as long as the spiral is going up and not down...
ReplyDeletePatricia, your comment has me thinking...
ReplyDeleteIs there a form of encouragement that can better bring the focus and glory to God?
And, if so, would that be more effective, or would my prideful self still find a way to make it about me?
I don't know...
I do know that, for me, based on prior experience, the only thing that really seems to help keep my motivations and priorities straight is to daily spend time at the foot of the cross of Christ...where I cannot help but know how selfish and helpless I am....and how wonderfully loving He is.
It's a right tight-rope. Like Bradley said, all of this is public. Writing, singing, dancing -- that's why we do it. There are some that just paint for their own enjoyment, or sing in the shower. But what's the point?
ReplyDeleteIt just means we need to really really do a gut check every single day.
i think often of fellow High Calling editor Ann Voskamp, who really really is just a humble pig farmer's wife. She's now sold more than 375,000 copies of her first book and was on the Today show on Monday. How can you stay the way you were?
I think of my pastors -- who as young kids started a church seven years ago. Last Sunday we went over 4,000 in attendance and tomorrow one of them will be live on TBN. How can you keep the heart humble in the midst of great blessing?
Joe's suggestion of encouragement that doesnt puff up the pride is a good one. Let us know when you find it :)
..Honestly,its always all about me..im above average..i want to be recognized by you..i need your admiration..i want you to be awestruck by my insightfullness and wit..i need to feel important..i covet your praise..i want to be listened to...i need a lot of validation.... (mike)
ReplyDelete